October 3

Today is the Moon Festival every Asian family is having a happy Moon Festival, even mine but I'm not happy at all. At first when my friends told me they're going to downtown to celebrate the festival I just hope that me too, will have a happy Moon Festival. I'm hoping that this Saturday is just like the last Saturday he'll talk to me again. Yes, he did talked to me, at first I thought it's going to be a happy day for me, but not. I asked him why did he delete my "my gf delete u in friends", that's what he told me, I was so happy that he was not the one. I talked to him and told him that I don't like him anymore but I wasn't realize that I was no longer talking to him but his girlfriend. She called me an asshole and said that I want to get her boyfriend. "you are freakin stupid that you want to get my bf idiot", I can't let her continue this she have no rights to call me an idiot because she's nothing to me. Soon I know that I'm the one who's worthless, "u r nothin 2 me ur just his gf", right, she's his girlfriend and that's how she gets the rights to called me an idiot. I'm just the third party she's the one he love, I'm nothing in their eyes, because I came after her, she got him before me. She is right I want him, I love him, but I never think of taking him from her, because I know he will not be happy with me, I'm not the one he love. I love him of course I want him to be good I would never force him to be with me because I know he doesn't like me at all, I want him to be happy. I was not really sure who's the one I'm talking to the whole time, but I'm pretty sure that he is the one whose I talked to last week. Just by the way we talked, I know that if it wasn't me who let he knows that I like him, we would be friends or even best friends by now. But I should know who I am, the third one, just by the way he talked to me last week I should be happy about it, it already too much past the border. I should value all that we did, it might never happen again. I would never text with him again, I don't want anything happen to him, what if his girlfriend is jealous and they break-up, he'll be sad, I just don't want it to happen. Even though I know that if they break-up, the chance that he'll think of me isn't very slim, but I love him, he love her and I don't want he to be sad. Every time I saw him talking to a girl I just can't help myself from been mad or sad or jealous. But all of those time I know that I'm mad, sad, jealous or not because I can't do anything about it, I'm nothing to him, I can't stop him from doing that. I can only think of something to cheer me up, "it's ok as long as he's happy", that's one I can think of to cheer up myself. I don't think writing a blog, or talking to my diary can help me this time, I don't feel better at all. The only way is talk to my friends, but in this situation it doesn't help either, there is nothing I can do about it. All this time I type down these words I felt my heart cracking apart, I hear the sound of tears dropping in my heart and filling up my hearts with all the sadness.
PS I love you